Thursday, October 4, 2018

God is Good and Forever Faithful

To many this picture may just appear to be me and my mom on an airplane headed somewhere...

But to me, this picture is way more than just the obvious... it's a sigh of relief.. it's a weight lifted off my shoulders, it's answered prayers and a sense of finally moving forward.

When Fallyn was a week old, I was advised to go to the ER to check out a nagging headache. By the time I left that morning, I had bent down to pick something up out of the floor, I came up and was brought back down to my knees because I thought my brains were going to blow out of the sides of my head. For two days at that point, I could hear the pulse in my ears and could not get any relief.

Long story short, after a CT Scan and MRI, I was told I had suffered a brain hemorrhage. NEVER in a million years did I see that coming. The Dr I initially saw even went down a list of things that it could be and I remember like it was yesterday, "And there is a VERY small chance that you could have a clot or bleed on the brain." You should've seen his face when he gave us the news. Talk about feeling like someone punched you in the gut and knocked all the breath out of you.

After three days in the hospital, I was released with honestly really no explanation except they thought the Toradol I was taking for pain altered my blood platelets causing me to bleed. Before I was released, Another CT Scan showed that the hemorrhage was already dissolving. Praise the Lord! I was ready to get home to my babies!! 

Fast forward to September 2017.. I won a trip to Vegas with my company and I was also due in October for a 6 month checkup. I was starting to get concerned to fly with no checkup, so I made my follow up MRI, and had that done on Tues September 26th. 

I don't remember exactly what day the nurse called that week to give me my results but I do remember being at the salon. And, what I thought was going to be a "You're all clear!" phone call, wasn't exactly what I got. 
What I heard was the nurse telling me I had blood vessels that looked questionable and a 4mm spot on my pituitary gland. They were not sure if I would be able to fly until these were further checked.. so that Friday they scheduled me for the earliest CT scan for Monday October 2nd and the earliest Dr appt at 9am Tuesday, October 3rd to read my results to me. 

During the wait, I was encouraged by a dear friend to fast and even avoid social media. I googled the Daniel Fast and from Friday to that Tuesday, I fasted and I avoided social media as much as possible. Talk about leaning on Him!! Monday night I didn't think I was going to make it but all of that drew me to Him, seeking Him and his strength.. I quoted scripture and just felt like I was in constant prayer and like I could focus more on Him and scripture and praying that when I walked in Tuesday they were going to wonder why I was even there!

Here is a piece of my Facebook post I wrote after getting my results from my Dr:

"Well God showed up and showed out today!!! They don't even think I had a hemorrhage in the first place but an actual blood clot but regardless it's completely GONE ANNDD there is NO evidence of any "questionable blood vessels". Praise the Lord!!! 
They are telling me that I still have a spot showing next to my pituitary gland and a cluster of vessels that are in a different spot that showed up bright in the ct scan but they are just there they won't rupture etc and the Dr words were my ct scan was unremarkable. Not to lose sleep over the spot because it very well could be from pregnancy related hormones and I will have another MRI in 6 months to follow up the growth."

I wanted to shout it from the rooftops!

I left that doctors office with the biggest smile on my face and me and my Mom shot to the airport with minutes to spare getting on our plane. Vegas here we come!!

Early that next morning, I was getting ready for my first session, when my doctors phone number popped up on my telephone. I answered it and it was my Specialist giving me news that in a nutshell he didn't feel he gave me right information, went back thru text book and also conversed with colleagues about my case, was very apologetic and thought "it would behoove us to move forward with having an angiogram". 

I sat down on the edge of that hotel bathtub thinking is this conversation even real? I was so livid and all these emotions started running thru me. I wish I could remember exactly how I said what I'm about to tell you but it was something to the affect of, "Well, I don't know if you know a man named Jesus but I don't accept any of what you just said to me, and in some way, told him that He is bigger than all the news he just gave me. 
Looking back he really had no response to that and just talked about when they could get the angiogram scheduled -- their equipment wasn't ready at that time but should be ready by November.

Here is a Facebook post I shared after I got that news
(BTW Facebook can be great tool for memories! Ha!)

"Well Satan is TICKED off y'all that I shared my testimony and he's trying to come against it ....
I received a phone call early this morning from the specialist I saw yesterday. He said I am a rare case and because there are questions between all the MRI and cts I've had, he took my case home last night and studied it and even turned to literature and he is now regretfully telling me it would be in my best interest to proceed with an angiogram to absolutely rule out any hemorrhage or clotting. In his words with me being a young healthy woman, and this being so rare and questionable and from certain things, I could be at risk for another hemorrhage or clot if there are blood vessels that are not as they should be. The angiogram will without a shadow of a doubt show if I have anything and if there is, it means a high dosed radiation or surgery. 
I'm still standing my ground and in the Lord with this. He will still turn this for my good and I know He's "got me". Satan is just mad at the fact Im publicly giving God glory for my healthy report yesterday and at the amazing response and LOVE that I received from you all. 
I've read your comments and they mean so much to me and they have all truly touched me and I APPRECIATE each and every one of you. 
I'm claiming NO radiation and NO surgery because ALL IS NORMAL and the angiogram will SHOW NOTHING ABNORMAL!!! Because I AM HEALTHY and my body is made WHOLE in Jesus name! So as me and my friends joke --- heffa Satan get thee behind thee cuz you have no say so in my life and you are a lie! 
Now me and Mom are going to continue to enjoy this trip with Monat! My head is spinning from all the amazing things that are happening in this company!! Ohhhhhh my my and I can't wait to share with yall!!! 
Love y'all!"

(Let me clarify what he would be looking for is what is called an AVM.)

The best I can remember it, I received a phone call sometime near or in November that they had the equipment ready and they had scheduled my angiogram for X date. I don't even remember what the date was but I QUICKLY declined and said "No I am not ready for that." and cancelled the appointment. Time rocked on and I even got a second opinion and wanted a third at Emory but it would've cost me $1000 just to walk in the door. 

In late December, a dear friend (you know who you are and I am so thankful for you and your friendship) went with me to talk to my Specialist again and ask questions and help me better understand what was going on. I honestly just wanted to walk out of that office that day and it all be over with and him tell me that he didn't recommend me having that procedure anymore. I was horrified y'all. Straight walking in FEAR. 

And can we just take a minute to talk about what stress and walking in fear does to you? I felt like I was a walking anxiety attack A LOT of the time. I remember so many times being in the salon and being overcome with anxiety and everything seeming SO LOUD to me that I almost threw my stuff down and walked out several times and thought I would just be done!! I would come home and tell Shane I was packing my stuff and leaving because I couldn't take it anymore. (I don't know if I appeared to be as bad as how I felt on the inside but I am thankful my clients have stayed with me and I am thankful for my friends, family and support system). I don't feel like I had much conversation with anyone, I didn't listen to any music while driving (N. O .T . H. I. N. G.). Even when I came home from the hospital I couldn't take the noise from the girls and would freak out! 
Y'all!! This does NOT come from the LORD!!!! 

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1 Peter 5:7

I REGRET allowing Satan to have me crippled with fear and allowing him to steal so much of my joy so many times over almost a years time span. I cannot get that time back! And I know its a blur having a baby and then even more so having two so close together. But I just feel like if I stood my ground and held on to the Word stronger than what I did, I would feel like I had more happy memories.

Fast forward to January of this year. Once again, I don't really remember the exact days but in the first part of the month, I realized I had not yet received a phone call to schedule my procedure. I THOUGHT I was ready for it and even called them to see what was taking so long to schedule and found out there was a part that had gone out on the machine and they were in the process of waiting for it... they would call me when they had it ready.

In the meantime, on January 21st at ACTS, God healed me. I'll say it again.


I know this without a shadow of a doubt. To this day, I remember going back to my seat, after my Pastor Arlene prayed healing over me, and feeling the heat on my head from her hands. She's anointed y'all!

The NEXT DAY, Monday morning, I received a phone call from the neurologist office telling me the part had been fixed on their machine and my angiogram was scheduled for the following Wednesday.

Coincidence? I think NOT. God was telling me "He's got me" in all of what was happening.

On Wednesday, January 31st, I went into the hospital and had my angiogram. Was I nervous? Oh so very nervous. Before, all I could think about was my family, my husband, and especially my two sweet babies and all the "what if's". 

But I had more peace that day. That week before I had more peace. I was expecting God to show up that day.. I even texted my Pastor the night before and told her that I was expecting for God to show up so much that the doctors would even wonder why I was even there. And I know that HE was with me that day. When I walked into the bathroom by myself to put my gown on, I laid my hands on my belly and started praying in the Spirit. He loved on me the way that He does and I know that He was in that bathroom with me. I still remember this especially like it were yesterday. I don't know exactly how long I was in there but it seemed like a very long time. If I can be honest, I really wasn't ready for that moment to end. But He showed me He was with me and showered me with His love.

I had my procedure. There were absolutely ZERO problems. 
And the best part?

When I got into recovery, the Doctor stood by my bed and said the words, 
"Her blood vessels are smooth as silk." 

There was no AVM. There wasn't ANY abnormal cluster of blood vessels. 
Smooth. As. Silk. he said.

He also said that he wanted to write my case and share.. I guess because he had never seen anything like it. I really don't remember if he gave a specific reason but I do remember my Mom looking at him and saying, "Can you just say Jesus?"


When I got to the part of being healed on January 21st, I was curious what the message was for that Sunday. I only have one page of notes in my small notebook that I take with me to church on Sundays.

I feel like the first two sentences are from the message that day and the first paragraph is a prophetic word she spoke over me during her praying healing over me.
Either way, GOD IS GOOD!! And He can turn what Satan has planned (he is the one that comes to kill, steal, and destroy) for evil into good!
And it tickled me to find that I had something written down from this specific day and just exactly what I had written down... because I can honestly say, I HAVE told the enemy ENOUGH is ENOUGH. I won't go into too many details on this but it is AMAZING to see how far you have come  in places.. 

If you are in a place of needing healing, I encourage you to write it down where you can see what you are asking the Lord for, and speak it everyday. Believe what you are speaking. For several months, this is what I repeated every single morning and night. I checked everything off after my procedure except for the 4mm spot because I had not had my follow up MRI for that.. When I realized what I did, I quickly asked for forgiveness and checked that of as well. God didn't just heal certain things that day on Jan 21st.. he healed ALL of me!! Thank the Lord for the Holy Spirit and giving us discernment!!

After having such an easy pregnancy, delivery, and so forth with Finley, I would have never have imagined it would be so different with Fallyn. I don't believe God gave me a brain hemmorage but I know that He worked it out for my good. He's a good, good Daddy. Could things have gone a little differently? Maybe. But He also protected me through everything and I know He had His hand on me thru it all. 

In this, I have grown stronger. I have drawn closer to Him. And I can hear Him on a whole new level than I did before. Which has put me in a whole new place with Him and taken me places spiritually that I have never experienced until recently.

I am so thankful for God's hand on me.. for His protection, His peace and His Love.
For healing me.
I give God ALL the glory for it ALL. 

 It's ALL God. And its just all wonderful and amazing.

Monday, September 17, 2018

Fallyn // 12 Months

Fallyn, you turned ONE on April 27, 2018. Yes, it has been 5 months since I have last posted. I truly couldn't believe that when I saw it. And I really don't know where to start as I type this out because my notes are ALL over the place. So maybe I should just begin somewhere...

This blanket is EVERYTHING. You do not go anywhere without this that La La made for you. In fact, I asked her to make you a back up because there was one afternoon, I left your blankey at home, and you would not go to sleep at Gamma and Pas until Pa got out a blanket that was similar to yours. You have never really taken a Paci ever even as a newborn but this blankey is never far from you at all times.

You and your sister LOVE your baby chicks! Well, since we are 5 months later they really are not so little anymore and are officially in the coop. But you still love to visit them and you look out the window from the couch and say "boc boc" and lead me to the door to go check on them. Frieda is our most docile one and we get her out and you absolutely love to pet her. You smile and laugh the whole entire time. It brings me joy to watch y'all both with the chickens.

We still have morning time together and morning snuggles. Your smiles are so big and contagious.

And your scrunchy nose is my absolute favorite face that you make.

For Easter, we went to Mimi and Big Pops and all the grands participated in an Easter egg hunt. You had the best time getting into all your eggs.

Eating pancakes and raspberries and Kyli is always under you trying to catch any food that she can. 

Just getting in some toofies! Easter Sunday at home lunch after we go home from church.

Enjoying some outside time with your Daddy after we all ate. It was a gorgeous day.

You love the trampoline and moving around on it with your Fin Fin.

Just getting pictures of you in all your outfits! You borrowed this one from your cousin Timberly. The bunny on the bottom is the cutest!

Morning snuggles with my sweet girls! You sisters sure do love each other!

Always getting into Mommy's drawers in the bathroom. In the makeup, in the products, everything you can get your hands on.

After church one Sunday at the Cracker Barrel. We went and ate with Mimi and you did so good. Now, it is SO hard to keep you in a high chair to eat. Even at home.

Visiting Mama Janes. We go almost every Sunday. It's so relaxing to go visit and y'all enjoy your time there.

Sleeping in church (I think) and one of your first boo boos on your eye.

Your first time at Bear Hollow! Both of you love the animals so much. Its about time to get back there  for a visit.

Loving the swings! You're a little dare devil. You were leaning over like this constantly and I thought you were going to flip out! You didn't seem to mind. Ha!

We love when Daddy is home too!

We took your 1 year pictures with Lizzie. You totally redeemed yourself after you wanted nothing to do with your 9 month photos. Lizzie had to come back to the house twice for those! Whew!

These are some of my favorites and Lizzie got SO MANY awesome shots.

Just hanging out and loving on each other. Fin Fin wanted kisses here and you were loving on her. So sweet.

Completely cracking me up this particular morning making faces at me while I cooked breakfast.

Love our sweet snuggle times.

I know I say it all the time but looking back thru these photos as I write this out I cannot believe how quickly this year has flown by and just how big you have gotten.

Sporting those sunglasses!

I remember this day that Finley wanted to wear one of your hair bows. You want to do what she does and she wants to do what you do.

Funny faces!

I had gone to the gym this particular morning and when I returned this is how I found you three. 

You pushing Finley's grocery cart for the first time. You just kept going forward and backwards having a ball!

Took you to the doctor because you had symptoms of being sick -- got you there and this is how you were acting. Making a total liar out of me. Ha!

Just getting all the pictures!

You lean to the side playing peek a boo!

Love seeing y'all worship in church. The. Sweetest.

Gymnastics with Finley. You have no fear and loved your time with Finley on the mats..

So proud of what you colored! One of the first times with crayons and paper.

So thankful to have so much time home with your sweet babies.

Giving Mommy kisses.

Melt my heart.

I love your hair. You have waayyyy more hair here than Finley ever dreamed about having at your age. It's so long now that it doesn't flip like this but it was one of my favorites about you.

Everyone was shocked I gave you this cupcake and let you go to town! You loved it and literally smashed your face in it at one point. I would have too. 

Look how much you enjoyed that! So much fun watching you.

 Getting in all the snuggles.

 From my notes:

// Words you are saying : baby, domino, oops or whoops (you think it is so funny to say this and just crack up) Blanky, night night.

// you throw your head back and laugh with your mouth wide open. Sometimes nothing really comes out. It is hilarious !

 Fallyn, this year has absolutely brought so much joy to our lives having you with us. We are so thankful for you. Your Big Sister loves you so very much. Your personality lights up the room and your smile is so contagious. You amaze us everyday at what you have learned so quickly. I love our snuggles and I love your kisses. You warm my heart and I love you so dearly.

Happy 1st Birthday Little Bit.

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